Making a choice

Every day is a struggle. A day can start out great, but end in pain and fatigue. The most random areas of your body can start a flare. The inside tissue of my ankle, a kink in my elbow, that's all it takes for my whole body to go up in flames. I can complain forever, but to be honest, it doesn't make anything better, and who wants to be a whiner?

This is the point where I have to make a choice. Do I succumb to the pain and stay in bed for a week or do I push through it and do what I can in the limited amount of time and energy for each day? That is a choice that I make most days of my life, but it doesn't get any easier each time you make that choice.

Life is a struggle. Whether you have lupus or not, you make that choice every morning when you wake up. I choose to not let it bring me down. I choose to get up each morning and look forward to my day and all that I can get from it. That is my choice and every morning I make that decision all over again.


Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
~Confucius

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UNTITLED
by Crystle Murphy, age 22

Body perched, ready to take flight
Between the blinds, escape rays of light
My eyes are open, my mind awake
The sweet pleasure of sleep, I do not want to break
I struggle to pull my body from sheets of feathered down
My legs shake and tremble, as my feet hit the ground.

Once again I am reminded, that I can no longer just "hop up"
I remember that my pills keep me moving, as I chase them with liquid from my cup
The sting of my bones, grinding together
Knowing that this painful signal, predicts bad weather.

Behind the 20-something’s mask, is the body of one half a century older
Why couldn’t I have achieved something more prized, something nobler?
I look in the mirror, as it stares back at me
The pain on the inside, with these eyes I can’t see
I look so normal, and that’s all I really want to be
But through this great visage lies the hurt and broken me.

Always in some sort of pain, running in the fast track of life
but I’ll never really make it ‘cuz, I’m stuck in the slow lane
With the edges of perseverance’s knife.

But each day gets better
Just a little better I am able to cope
Knowing that in so many
Lies the circle of hopeI am not the first, and I will not be the last
I just keep reminding myself
That "this too shall pass."

In search of the silver lining, that’s the satisfaction I need
Knowing that some of life’s burden’s can bring wisdom
And that allows your soul to be freedI know once again that I will embrace this life
My hair blowing wildly, caressed by the kiss of the wind
Slowly as time goes by, my spirit will heal and mend
When that day will be, I am not sure
But when it arrives, here I will be
With arms wide open
Ready for me ... to embrace me